How boring art thou?

There is a man in the hostel where I work who is unimagineably dull. He is so boring it is hard to believe although he isn't the most boring resident that has ever spent time here. No, about a year ago a man moved out and back into society who was astoundingly boring. There are no words that could ever describe or explain just how monotone this man really was. A serial criminal, his crimes were horrendous and he should never have been freed as he will undoubtedly reoffend. But he should never be allowed to walk the streets anyway in case you, dear reader, have the misfortune of bumping into him. A conversation with this most tedious individual is a breach of your human rights, and should never be allowed to happen. 

These two boring undesirables have got me thinking about a World Cup for boring people. The idea is simply to bore your opponent until they can take it no more. The two men I have mentioned would surely be challenging for the crown of Most boring man on the planet. I picture them contesting the final in a scene reminiscent of the famous chess matches of the seventies between Fischer and Kasparov. The tension would be unbearable, and the pressure intense. The winner would surely be the second man I mentioned, a man with no superiors in the boredom stakes. I can imagine him lifting the winning trophy, (a gold-plated tin of paint) high above his head in a deserted stadium. The spectators, all life-long bores themselves, would have well gone, unable to handle just how boring this man really is . And the sad thing is,the lack of acclaim  wouldn't bother him at all. He would already be thinking of defending his title, and ways of improving his performance. To think he could become even more boring is a frightening prospect for us all.